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Not a sober anymore
Monday, August 06, 2012 | 8/06/2012 09:50:00 PM |

9.50 pm of 6 August 2012

I’ve just woke up and now starting to feel like I need holiday very much. It’s been 6 weeks since I last saw my home and now I’m feeling like I need that feel again. I long for my rest very much. These recent practicum days have been so tiring and I almost lose my senses. I need to calm down and forget all these. I need rest. Somehow I’ve forgotten the moon. I promised to watch it when it comes to the last of this year’s July but I didn’t keep it. Been there for a few minutes and now I’m starting to regret it. I have class tomorrow but it’s the month of fasting and I can’t plan anything right. I fast too of course but not that I want to: I have to. The environment of the house made me so and of course I’m a little glad about it (somehow it saved me from being more busy in the evening). My classes are boring and I can sense it myself. I have to limit my activities and now I have no much idea for interesting learning lessons. I didn’t get that enthusiasms much because of what happened to me and I blamed nothing though. I need time to heal and I mean lots of it. I need to get used to with this place. I love my pupils. I love to see that smiles in their face because it makes them cuter and I’m feeling so guilty that I can’t do them anything much. I need to be recharged. My motivation is like a battery. I need to refill it every few moments before it worn out. Now that I have used all of my strength in just a night incident, I need to replace a new one. Been to Church 2 times last week and I surely said this to God. I cried last sunset mass and I guess no one saw me. I’m thankful enough to God for giving me another life to move on and surely will not going to abuse it. This isn’t pathetic. You will feel it whenever HE wants you to. I had my time and I lived it. I appreciate what God asked me did. If he wants to, then I’ll take it. I need to be sober again.

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