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Tuesday, April 30, 2013 | 4/30/2013 04:36:00 PM |
I was wandering through my ex-junior's blog when suddenly it reminded me of my secondary school life. Yeah, I was totally lost back then. I didn't know what to become... I didn't have anyone to look upon on and say to myself 'I want to be like him'... But still, I managed to be comfortable with that. Life changes as the way it is and I'll accept everything - that was actually what I thought would've ease this mind with the fears flinging around to the future. I admired my brother but I thought I didn't actually have to be like him. Somehow school grade wasn't that important - people can be successful even without achieving the best in school. Realizing that I have keen observation to my friends' future plan, I accumulated them all just in case I would have to take one as a back up plan. I was never too judgmental compared to my life now (except that I didn't say it out loud).

My surrounding keeps on confusing me when there's a lot to ponder. I reconsidered my ambitions all those previous years I'm studying for my lower education. There's a lot of roads I should venture I keep asking myself to choose the right one and be wise. I never thought I will come to this. The wisdom? Well let's just answer to that later. When people say that I should make someone to be my 'benchmark', I grew up refusing that phrase. I could never be someone else! I remembered the more I think about it, the more I became confused. I was like a pilot, but with the fear of height. There's a time when I thought I should observe the revolution of the world through the edge of a little more modernized side. As a result, I became too carried away (shall I say) to the era when all the teenagers keep rolling with their life. I keep myself  up to date with what should a teenage have and exchanges a little more information about that to each other. A few steps to the future later, I rejected to that with a firm reason that it doesn't represent who I am.

That's life. When you said you know who you are, you actually don't. People keep changing themselves - the way they live their life, how they accept the changes of the world, what future holds for them etc etc. We grew up surviving all that. Even with a strong grip we hold on to our principle, there's always that assimilation happening between us and our environment - where we're standing. It is okay not to live in our past, but they are actually the reason to what we are now. Think about it.

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