It's a quarter past three in the morning and I can not manage to be sleeping. There are abounding memories that keeps lingering in my mind right now and I can not seem to hush them away. I'm still outside, drinking beers and hoping that the moon will show up but I know my efforts are to be disappointed.

I chose to stay out this week. I can not afford to go back to my work place. I'm depressed, and going back in there would be another mistake I'll make today.

I'm writing this entry for you.

I miss you. I miss you so much. Truthfully, I miss the old you. The old you who cared about us, about the relationship. The old you who didn't take me for granted. The old you, who listened. I knew how much this situation hurts, believe me but I chose to be quiet today because I know I can not control my words when my feelings has got into me.

I can still recall how this all started. I can reminisce every memories we have ventured together from day one to what made us up until now - every ups and every downs. From the very first movie we watched together to the very last period of the recent subtitle. From the very first sunrise, to the last sunset. From the very first song to the last of its lyric. I cherished every bits of them in tiny details.  

I want you to know that my feeling has never changed for you but who am I to say that, I'm no jackpot boyfriend. What could I possibly have for you to accept me back. While you're the best person I have ever met in my life, I have nothing to provide to you. I lack your qualities; your sensitivity, your intelligence, your thoughtfulness... I'm surrounded by my shortcomings that might have possibly driven you away to who you are now. 

If you're reading this, I want you to know that I still love you. With all my heart and soul. No words deep enough to be written, no gesture can act utterly to prove. To the moon and back, to infinity and beyond.

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