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Friday, October 19, 2012 | 10/19/2012 12:28:00 AM |
Listening to Taru's inside of me once again never failed to make me missed my practicum days so much. I have always spent my night on the veranda either smoking, drinking beverages I made for the night or even calling home and my ehem ehem (though I have little bit of a relationship problem right now). I missed my kids... Not just because I treat them like my own children but I missed the good old days when I don't have to push myself thinking stuffs that may explode the tip of my head.

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that examination is just around the corner - that is why I spent all days and night playing DoTa thinking that this can escape me from the reality. There's this one thing about my hospitality here that I'm not satisfied. We've been asked to move into our old hostel and I was about to enjoy the lasts of the days here in my oldest block. Our institute's administration is so confusing with all lecturers having their own thought and students become the victim, I can barely memorize everything I've underwent here this whole year. Fuck that!

Now that I have to deal with my emotional disturbance, I'm starting to regret that I've chosen to put my trust to someone I barely know. I never should have tried to mend my own mistakes cause it makes them even worse. I chose to live happily but then thinking that there's to much judgement I've received recently has made myself annoyed of the path I'm stepping on now. I didn't believe I am indirectly repeating my own mistakes after all the suffering I received before. This isn't right and I have to do something about it. Please understand dear that this gap I've created is not actually concerning about me. I did it all because of you...Your choice to publicly expose yourself too much... It's threatening me as I told you before. I didn't ask you to stop doing what you like to do. I was simply asking a solution to solve the fact that it can hardly be accepted. I don't want to control your life, but if I have to keep this relationship towards goodness please let it be in my way. There's so much to think about recently and I needed my time. Please concern the gap and try to understand why I created it.

There's still a few days before I'm cracking books for the examination. I didn't even planned what to do to survive the days. I put them all into God's hands and will be accepting anything. 

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