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Emotional Suicide
Wednesday, June 19, 2013 | 6/19/2013 03:55:00 PM |
I'm back to this place. I don't know a thing why I'm here I think I'm torturing myself going back without any intention. Finished an assignment I was supposed to be doing the last 3 weeks but I just keep procrastinating - and enjoying the holidays. It was actually when the owner asked me to send it to him then I realized I should finish it. I don't actually have much to do these 2 weeks and my homesickness keeps me hanging here around like a fool. I thought finishing it would be a distraction.

I'm close to emotional suicide recently. It's not that I haven't felt this but I'm tired. I'm tired of going here back and forth realizing I don't have any piece of heart here. I don't belong here and saying "I'll be back today" to my friend last Monday irritated me. Somehow this is my final term and being patient for just another 4 months would mean a lot to me. It's a stone throw away that I'll finally have my own scroll of degree. Looking at this calender somehow makes it heavier to wait for that moment.

I keep asking to myself "what was I doing at this very moment last week?" I know I shouldn't be living with my past too much but they're actually haunting me. I have this very long memory span when it comes to doing things I'm very fond of and it's making me hard to forget those shits. I'm grateful for this, I really am. The thing is, it took me long to forget what I missed back home. Holidays seem so short if it's really the thing I'm looking forward to spending times with those people I love most.

Things should be okay soon. This usually takes sometime. 

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