HomesickEric

I pray for nothing but your happiness with him.

I'm tired, stressed and feeling insecure. I don't want to be someone else's last resort to play the fire with when the fun in their life has gone for. I want to be someone's priority, not just an option. I'm sick of all the thrown sweet words but received nothing as an action. I hate being someone's sometimes. I deserve better in my life. I'm waiting for this week to be over so I can finally be emotionally independent. 🤗

There have been a great changes in my life lately, I was home the other week when it occurred to me. The only thing bookmarked to the occasion was the 3rd play off between England and Belgium on the current year FIFA World Cup league. I was rooting for the Welsh's neighbor to win but to disappointment. Anyway, there we were, the whole family sitting together to watch the match. I don't think it'll be easier for us to gather round as such in the upcoming days. Now that the last of our siblings have already chosen to further her study, everything is going to change therefore. I have always thought that leaving home is a great chance for me to grow, to experience new things in my life - and the family was so lucky that we are able to undergo those experiences together since the last 13 years. We lived in so many places that we get to live the life of other races differently to make us a tad more cultured. Each places haa a different story to tell but I'll get to that back...

It's a quarter past three in the morning and I can not manage to be sleeping. There are abounding memories that keeps lingering in my mind right now and I can not seem to hush them away. I'm still outside, drinking beers and hoping that the moon will show up but I know my efforts are to be disappointed. I chose to stay out this week. I can not afford to go back to my work place. I'm depressed, and going back in there would be another mistake I'll make today. I'm writing this entry for you. I miss you. I miss you so much. Truthfully, I miss the old you. The old you who cared about us, about the relationship. The old you who didn't take me for granted. The old you, who listened. I knew how much this situation hurts, believe me but I chose to be quiet today because I know I can not control my words when my feelings has got into me. I can still recall how this all started. I can reminisce every memories we have ventured together from day one to what m...

I’ve met anger. No. I’m meeting anger Frustration Disappointment Repentance March has never agreed with me and this year’s might have been the worst of it. I haven’t planned anything for the day but I did expect it to go well. And that’s where the problem begins. I expected too much. I wanted so vastly much that even a slight detour can lead to helplessness in the face of fate. So it did. With no reserved plan, I might as well finish this book of mine. There are still thousands of pages left, I hope some of it will distract me from all the jumbled feelings.