HomesickEric

Currently in blues and I kinda have the mood to write. This song comes to the mind and I decided to share it here. As usual, lyrics remain everything I ever want to express. I don't actually know why I become so hopeless in every relationship I have. Probably because the unconventionality I'm facing in this makes it really hard to withstand. I hope consistently for the same thing cause I'm a very sentimental person. It all turns out wrong when people change. Changes makes it even malleable when you still cling to what you yearned for so long. I guess I just miss the old you. 😞😞😞😞 SAM SMITH LYRICS "Not In That Way" And I hate to say I love you When it's so hard for me And I hate to say I want you When you make it so clear You don't want me I'd never ask you 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say You'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way." And I hate t...

It's the first day of my second semester and life has been okay so far. The first of everything in my life has always been the hardest especially when I have to say goodbye to something (in this case, my 3 weeks break). Holidays seem short when there's something worth spending with. I miss everything and going back here is a question I need to ask myself if it's for the best or not. My past 3 weeks were filled with all the feelings I can't describe myself. The first, of course, relaxed me to my core that I spent quite a lot of it on my own. I've been to my village, and that's where the horror begins. Earthquake is actually a common thing already here now that I've encountered with it for a few times in my life. Reminiscing back, I was lucky to wake up so early (due to the nightmare haunted me that night). The shock begun when I was reading messages from my friends. At first it started as if someone was racing in the house. "This is going to end rea...

I have low self esteem. I'm writing this cause it needed to be heard. My will to solve every mistakes I've done is in grave I don't think I can handle much. I keep thinking the imminent answer should have provided me peace but that's too selfish (still it came by quite for a few times here in my brain). I needed to forget all these and by that it meant solve shits all by myself. The society thoughts of me makes me weak and I'm getting more sick having them included in the process. Some, I should say is kind enough to know what I need but somehow others just point their fingers to me telling me to shut it all. That sends me straight to the darkest part of my heart I think I should just... I'm in pain. Physically? Doesn't matter to me but somehow the sadness, it's eating my inside. 

So here I am. With the intention of finishing some jobs I left last year, I became bored and irritated. Holidays are finally over and believing it seems hard. I'm gonna miss this scenery. The fact that I'm still 'home' and secured really comforts me. I hate distance, it's been too long since distance separated me from living my life the way I wanted it to be and waiting for another 2 years (without confirmation) depressed me. My salary treats me well, that I can't defy but the consequences it brought to my emotional quotient has a very exaggerated impact too. I know I still have weekends to spend here but thinking I'm gonna leave this little fella, I'm gonna miss everything here. I can't recall specifically stuffs that have brought me here for the past 2 months. My intention is to gave it away to time and it works as a charm. Holidays really treated me well and I look forward to it next.

Happy New Year 2015. This will be my first post for the year. It's pathetic to write this so soon but  I actually have a lot of leisure time, better crack something up. I'm bored of doing nothing (same thing everyday) as if it's still 2014. Sitting in front of the computer all day long disgusts me when my real life is out there somewhere. I need to change this. My virtual life is eating my inside and I'm letting it became part of them now. It's not obnoxious that a person of my age (of whom they say lives in the era of techs and stuffs) to say this but still those shits, actually bored the hell out of me.