HomesickEric

I miss Christmas. It's been long I haven't enjoyed one because of the thought that I still have a week of holiday till I get myself packed going back. I realized the last one I celebrated to  my extent, passed by. Next Christmas, I'm gonna enjoy the holidays like I haven't got one before. It's been a long fine road being here and yet I struggled. I don't think it's too early to say this but I really miss Christmas - the joy of the day, the  family gathering, the jinggle songs etc etc.  To think about it, I missed 5 seasons already and frankly I haven't celebrated any of them with the real joyful spirit. Let me get this straight... 2008 - I didn't remember a thing here... Will get back to this later. 2009 - Went to poring a few days before Christmas with le cousins and family, celebrated Christmas in my Grandpa's house and I went home early. I guess I wasn't in the mood of seizing the moments. We celebrated New Year's eve in 2 d...

Finished the ice breaking session with the new intake trainees. There's not a lot of them but enough to remind me of myself when I first step here five years ago. I still can memorize our version of session like this - where we get to introduce ourselves to all the seniors. Now that I am one of the seniors who will leave for another 4 months here, I tried to not pity them. It's been a hard years, can't actually deny that. Being there on their point of view, I knew things will be repeatedly be the same. They are the last juniors I'm seeing for the rest of the semester so I don't actually give a damn. I'm close to the last step and verily look forward to closing my era here. P/s: The moon is still so bright tonight... and listening to Amanda Seyfried's little house is making me more and more reminiscent. True story ( @relatable ) said and I quote, "when nothing goes right go to sleep". Good night people.

It's the first weekend I'm spending here on my final semester. I've really got nothing to do I just slept the day. Now that I'm afraid I can't sleep tonight, I'll be out gazing at the super moon. Well thinking that I fell in love with the moon so much, I realized I have high sentimental values - is this healthy? Since the stars are unviewable here in this location, the night sky will only be interesting with the presence of the moon. P/s: Looking forward to be watching this next year with mi Love.  By the way, I had my hair cut a while ago. I supposed to wait till next weekend cause I'm going back to school but my I'm uncomfortable with my hair. It's messy and long and due to high temperature recently, the hotness is killing me. Till we meet again, Mr. Moon.

It's the moment of the day I love seeing most - Sunset. I miss the previous one's... and having one here is breaking my heart. I never have enjoyed one cause all the moments were being shadowed by the walls. Listening this song has regretfully summed the gloom.

I'm back to this place. I don't know a thing why I'm here I think I'm torturing myself going back without any intention. Finished an assignment I was supposed to be doing the last 3 weeks but I just keep procrastinating - and enjoying the holidays. It was actually when the owner asked me to send it to him then I realized I should finish it. I don't actually have much to do these 2 weeks and my homesickness keeps me hanging here around like a fool. I thought finishing it would be a distraction. I'm close to emotional suicide recently. It's not that I haven't felt this but I'm tired. I'm tired of going here back and forth realizing I don't have any piece of heart here. I don't belong here and saying "I'll be back today" to my friend last Monday irritated me. Somehow this is my final term and being patient for just another 4 months would mean a lot to me. It's a stone throw away that I'll finally have my own scroll...

I didn't have much to do this morning... Well at least I didn't plan anything just yet. I've been waking up as early as a high school kid this week cause I'm obliged to fetch my youngsters to their school. Since there's still another few hours to fetch them back, I found myself browsing my on-line karaoke status and sing a few songs ( it helps to ease the pressures I'm currently into ). I was banned from entering any battles ( I don't know why ) but here what comes off : Not that I'm a qualified singer but bragging won't cost anything ( LOL ). I didn't record any cause I'm very insecure about my voice ( it's not that good ). The trick for the scores is to match the singer's pitch ( although my belt won't go any higher but that'll do )... So... yeah~ This is what haters gonna hate... 

This entry is a reminder for me. To start thinking wisely when things get so complicated and it nearly costs me my relationship. I know I did wrong and I can say nothing about it. It wasn't my intention to risk my relationship. I love mine now and i look forward to carry it to my own grave. I'm pathetic. I was so childish I couldn't manage my own desire when it comes to risky situation. I'm ashamed not only to myself but to my significant other. I was able to give good advice to people but when it comes to listening it to my own, I couldn't even follow a single shit. Above all, I want this relationship to happen. I'll strive for it. I want it to be my last and I will do everything to make it stay. 

This year's Kaamatan has been unfortunate for me. But of course I cherish the moment I'm spending with my significant other, I've done a terrible mistake I should just kill myself. Now that I know where my first salary is about to go through, I repent every mistakes I've done here. I'm such a burden and I realized it better now.   I'm so so so sorry... Please be patient dear...