HomesickEric

It's a day before 2013 ends and here I am writing the last entry for the year. There are so much changes I encountered in my life recently. I decided to share this as a reminder for all of us to reflect back if life has been treating us like a pie. I am not a judgmental person. I decided not to blame life if it turned upside down. I'm the owner of my own life and how I'm being treated depends on me myself. 2013 would be another bookmark of my life as I finally ended my undergraduate years. Cheers to another peak where I'll be growing as a fine man thereafter. My final years of studies were awesome. Things have been pretty busy the day I went back to my college but I survived. I don't know why, I just did. Now that there's a lot of people I think have put me into their deal, I decided to back off from their life. I dwell in a pretty big situation where people think I have a great threat that they started to talk behind my back. Realizing they're a few steps ...

It's 6 days before Christmas and I don't feel like it. I've been through a lot of career stuffs lately and my life is more depressing as ever. I don't think I deserve this way. My holidays are ruined might be because of the fact that I accumulated such a lot of hopes and ended up being dissapointed too much. I should have known things are going to be more complicated but still I was hoping for a silver lining between them. I was wrong. There's too much to be taken care of now and I am totally out of control. So much for holidays..

Aloha, I've seen the latest Family Guy episode and it stroked me to death knowing that Brian is not going to be around the show anymore. I couldn't resist but to memorize back all the years I've been watching his jokes back at the show. It's been a long 2 years knowing what he's into, I don't understand why Seth decided to kill him. I adore him... His sense of humour, his intelligence... and he was just a dog! Damn you Seth Macfarlane! 

My life has made its great leap recently now that I'm unofficially graduated. I haven't planned anything nice for this holiday other than enjoying  quality times with my family as it is. I still have that comfortable feeling being away from home but still I rather not go to that college anymore. Everything seems boring nowadays currently because I haven't planned anything. I need something new in my life! Something to boost up my motivation to wake up next day and sing like that guy in 'American dad'. Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen..

I've watched the latest Glee episode and it brought me back thousands of flashbacks since few years ago. All salutations be to the episode for making me grief from the moment I hit the play button until the screen turned black. It was pretty obvious that they haven't made the death up. It was real... and knowing that, sadden me.

Hello there. So making the story short, I went to a fortune telling booth today and had myself predicted by tarot cards reading. As usual I have to shuffle the decks to get started and conscientiously chosen 3 cards accordingly to my past, present and future. I didn't care enough of my past as I know I've pass them through well. What I care most is this card representing my present situation: Unfortunately, this card was the least I expected to draw. I'm not a superstitious person but I found the values of being predicted mysterious ( been on this insight a few years back online ). Curiosity made me google it's meaning when the only thing I can hear from the fortune teller is this sentence: "It literally doesn't represent death itself. It symbolizes the end of something.. maybe a career, a relationship... or something that you care most..." I've been facing the face of 'death' too much lately ( although it doesn't actually a...

I'm in my comfort zone right now. I'm done with my assignments (or at least I am). There's my action research report  I should come up with but I guess I should give myself a rest. I was okay until now that I heard myself being talked to behind my back. I'm done with all that. I'm sick with people not moving on with their past and still blaming me for what they became. Somehow I should just enjoy these coming days when I know it's nearing the end. By the way, welcome September! 2 months more being together with my colleagues and I'll not be able to live my life the way it used to be since 5 years ago. I've got slides to be presented tomorrow. Finished making the slides ages ago cause there are only three of them. I'm anxious if I still add more but let's just say I know what I'm doing. I've postponed a program I'm conducting to this coming Friday cause there's a slight problem with my lecturer and I don't still get ...

It's raining. Thunder strikes here and there. I'm inside my room listening to this song and it saddens me more. I'm not quite in a good shape recently. I'm pressured too much, it's aching inside of me.  I kept asking to myself if this will all worth it. I've got nothing left but to hold on. Somehow August wave of goodbye is just around the corner hoping the next 2 months won't cost me longer. I will follow you into the dark Love of mine, some day you will die But I'll be close behind I'll follow you into the dark No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight Waiting for the hint of a spark If Heaven and Hell decide That they both are satisfied Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black And I held my tongue...

I lost my watch due to my own stupidity. People might assume it to be something just worldly but it actually means a lot to me. I cherish every sentimental values I had with it for the past 5 months and accepting it to be lost because of my own fault seems overwhelming. I literally cried. I could accept if it was my phone, but this? This is something much more worth it. Despite how much it was bought for, the memories I had with it costs better price than my life....

I love slow dancing. I know a step or two but dealing them publicly would be embarrassing ( except when I'm drunk ). I'm a fine gentleman ( ehem~ ). I love the idea of two people hugging and dawdling through slow sentimental songs enjoying every bits of that moment and listening to Sam Cooke's songs made me sway back in this room of mine alone. It all started last holiday when my brother recommended to sing this song: I know nothing about his songs neither I know he existed. But since my siblings grew up listening to these kind of rhythms, we found ourselves fell in love with it. Listening to these kind builds the imagination of people slow dancing in crowd with all the vintage themes surrounding them. Now that I'm downloading all his numbers, I'm gonna memorize all his lyrics for the sake of next karaoke retro moment with le family. LOL Here's one as a must : If I go, a million miles away I'd write a letter, each and everyday ...

I haven't been blogging since... I don't even remember when was the last time I posted an entry. It's not that I have been busy I have such a lot of things to be remarked here, I do. I only found it's helpful to share them with my significant other better. Now that I have to crave this on my online sketch wall, this is going to be something I should do. My last holidays have seemingly came to its end, I became a little bit homesick by the time I arrived here in Tawau. The only words I keep telling to myself is to be patient. There's another few months here before I bid all those farewell and I couldn't hope but to meet that. I'm tired and it all ends today ( realized this when I was in the wagon - that's what they call the transportation mean ). As usual, my anxiety became worse when it comes to going back here. There's so much to think about on my way back. Thoughts keep lingering here and there but they all ended with a short sigh. I know I...

I'm holding a few minutes over my Action Research report listening to this song: The fact that Cory Monteith is dead really strikes me. I grew up my teenage 2 years living with his act and his singing. Although I'm not a recent Glee's big fan, I still cherish their previous casts. The fact that I used to be a major die hard fan of their casts is actually not a history. I still fall in love within each episodes when it comes to watching their first 2 seasons. I wasted my holidays 3 years ago memorizing lyrics from each and every songs I can find in the casts. He was one of the major reason why I stayed long on the cast plus I'm not the only one who fell in love with them. Even I've made my siblings did the same. We've covered some of their song and eventually they became our Christmas theme song. I literary want to cry when I heard the news. Cory has been a great singer - a real one to render a song I can totally relate to. I hope his soul rests in peace....

Kinda fall in love with this song. The lyric is too interesting. Plus, I always love Lenka's rendition of songs. This is going to be my breakfast song for the rest of the week until I memorized the lyric and get bored with it. "Everything's Okay Keep giving me hope for a better day Keep giving me love to find a way Through this heaviness I feel I just need someone to say, everything's okay Woke my weary head Crawled out of my bed And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?" Nothing's going right, shadow's took the light And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?" Sometimes I need a little sunshine And sometimes I need you Keep giving me hope for a better day Keep giving me love to find a way Through this messy life I made for myself Heaven knows I need a little Hope for a better day A little love to find a way Through this heaviness I feel I just need someone to say, everything's okay (Everything's ok) I gave my hop...

Found these hilarious court trial conversation on the internet. I literally ROTFL Read if you're having a grotesque day. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATT...

So I went camping last Wednesday. It was actually a school event and strangely all the teachers were actually expecting us to involve. It was quite two days and a night to be remembered. Ended the first day with campfire together with some of the teachers. It was quite fun although costed me my sleeping hours but I didn't regretted singing along with them in the middle of the night. The choice of songs didn't actually surprised me. I grew up listening to  Jiwang karat punya lagu so yeah... Since there were two guitarist there, the night became more gala... and by jiwang , I mean these kind of songs: I could barely memorize the lyrics but they actually brought a book full of song lyrics. Wasn't a burden then. LOL anyway, there's this request to sing this song. The lyric was not on the book but it's one of my favourite  and forgetting nice song lyrics is not me. There goes us.. Singing like there's no one sleeping around Next day, we we...

I miss Christmas. It's been long I haven't enjoyed one because of the thought that I still have a week of holiday till I get myself packed going back. I realized the last one I celebrated to  my extent, passed by. Next Christmas, I'm gonna enjoy the holidays like I haven't got one before. It's been a long fine road being here and yet I struggled. I don't think it's too early to say this but I really miss Christmas - the joy of the day, the  family gathering, the jinggle songs etc etc.  To think about it, I missed 5 seasons already and frankly I haven't celebrated any of them with the real joyful spirit. Let me get this straight... 2008 - I didn't remember a thing here... Will get back to this later. 2009 - Went to poring a few days before Christmas with le cousins and family, celebrated Christmas in my Grandpa's house and I went home early. I guess I wasn't in the mood of seizing the moments. We celebrated New Year's eve in 2 d...

Finished the ice breaking session with the new intake trainees. There's not a lot of them but enough to remind me of myself when I first step here five years ago. I still can memorize our version of session like this - where we get to introduce ourselves to all the seniors. Now that I am one of the seniors who will leave for another 4 months here, I tried to not pity them. It's been a hard years, can't actually deny that. Being there on their point of view, I knew things will be repeatedly be the same. They are the last juniors I'm seeing for the rest of the semester so I don't actually give a damn. I'm close to the last step and verily look forward to closing my era here. P/s: The moon is still so bright tonight... and listening to Amanda Seyfried's little house is making me more and more reminiscent. True story ( @relatable ) said and I quote, "when nothing goes right go to sleep". Good night people.

It's the first weekend I'm spending here on my final semester. I've really got nothing to do I just slept the day. Now that I'm afraid I can't sleep tonight, I'll be out gazing at the super moon. Well thinking that I fell in love with the moon so much, I realized I have high sentimental values - is this healthy? Since the stars are unviewable here in this location, the night sky will only be interesting with the presence of the moon. P/s: Looking forward to be watching this next year with mi Love.  By the way, I had my hair cut a while ago. I supposed to wait till next weekend cause I'm going back to school but my I'm uncomfortable with my hair. It's messy and long and due to high temperature recently, the hotness is killing me. Till we meet again, Mr. Moon.

It's the moment of the day I love seeing most - Sunset. I miss the previous one's... and having one here is breaking my heart. I never have enjoyed one cause all the moments were being shadowed by the walls. Listening this song has regretfully summed the gloom.

I'm back to this place. I don't know a thing why I'm here I think I'm torturing myself going back without any intention. Finished an assignment I was supposed to be doing the last 3 weeks but I just keep procrastinating - and enjoying the holidays. It was actually when the owner asked me to send it to him then I realized I should finish it. I don't actually have much to do these 2 weeks and my homesickness keeps me hanging here around like a fool. I thought finishing it would be a distraction. I'm close to emotional suicide recently. It's not that I haven't felt this but I'm tired. I'm tired of going here back and forth realizing I don't have any piece of heart here. I don't belong here and saying "I'll be back today" to my friend last Monday irritated me. Somehow this is my final term and being patient for just another 4 months would mean a lot to me. It's a stone throw away that I'll finally have my own scroll...

I didn't have much to do this morning... Well at least I didn't plan anything just yet. I've been waking up as early as a high school kid this week cause I'm obliged to fetch my youngsters to their school. Since there's still another few hours to fetch them back, I found myself browsing my on-line karaoke status and sing a few songs ( it helps to ease the pressures I'm currently into ). I was banned from entering any battles ( I don't know why ) but here what comes off : Not that I'm a qualified singer but bragging won't cost anything ( LOL ). I didn't record any cause I'm very insecure about my voice ( it's not that good ). The trick for the scores is to match the singer's pitch ( although my belt won't go any higher but that'll do )... So... yeah~ This is what haters gonna hate... 

This entry is a reminder for me. To start thinking wisely when things get so complicated and it nearly costs me my relationship. I know I did wrong and I can say nothing about it. It wasn't my intention to risk my relationship. I love mine now and i look forward to carry it to my own grave. I'm pathetic. I was so childish I couldn't manage my own desire when it comes to risky situation. I'm ashamed not only to myself but to my significant other. I was able to give good advice to people but when it comes to listening it to my own, I couldn't even follow a single shit. Above all, I want this relationship to happen. I'll strive for it. I want it to be my last and I will do everything to make it stay. 

This year's Kaamatan has been unfortunate for me. But of course I cherish the moment I'm spending with my significant other, I've done a terrible mistake I should just kill myself. Now that I know where my first salary is about to go through, I repent every mistakes I've done here. I'm such a burden and I realized it better now.   I'm so so so sorry... Please be patient dear...

Have you ever heard of the phrase: When you're about to say goodbye, think twice, look back, and remember why did you start it at the first place. Think about the phrase on the other side: revenge. My friend once said, if you are about to avenge someone, you're just as worse as he is. That's when I realized the situation. I never would have wanted to be the person who done me wrong. Consequently, I believe in karma only because I know how effective it is ( experienced it too much now ).  People do crappy things everyday and few have the intention of insulting others - except real bitches. I get criticized sarcastically by times just because I put on others' shoes but it doesn't mean that I have to pay them back twice as much as how they define themselves. I don't judge ( although I'm really good with it ). The point is, I don't think revenge worth it. I just don't want myself to turn into the person whom clearly I'm defining... and you sho...

Back when I was a teenager, I was a professional dramaturg. I'm self-conscious of what's happening around me but I weren't satisfied with them. Consequently, I created my own fantasy - of how things work behind the curtain and how the characters collaborate with each other summing up to a conclusion. I enjoyed manipulating and sometimes it turns out being a reality ( some of them ). As I grow up, I learned to live in the state of looks rather than imagining things and how it goes in my own perspective. I fell in love (t o be frank ) and somehow shits changed thoroughly.  Keep drama lovers out of your relationship or they'll bring all sort of drama to your front door. I figured out it's the best to keep things downtown as the way it is rather than making things far more complicated. I can actually guess when this taught me precisely if I am eager enough to read each of my post.    I love watching how people manage their life as wel...

I'm still tired... I'm having slight cold.. My eyes are red as hell and I'm losing control of myself. I can barely walk and the world is spinning around me. Worst thing is that I'm still shocked now that I've just finished my first paper for this term's examination. There's still another one following up - that would be next week's Wednesday. Summing my last week's event, I've just arrived last night here. My study week has undergone oddly and I'm amazed by myself to even managed revising here and there. I miss last week... Very much now that I'm feverish. It's the first time I've drank Siopon and at the same time revising. Didn't get drunk really but let's say that's an experience! Haha~ There's too much to think of  I made decision not to continue cracking notes today. I realized my immune system has gone terribly wrong I can be infected by people with  influenza even by the slightest breath...

I was wandering through my ex-junior's blog when suddenly it reminded me of my secondary school life. Yeah, I was totally lost back then. I didn't know what to become... I didn't have anyone to look upon on and say to myself 'I want to be like him'... But still, I managed to be comfortable with that. Life changes as the way it is and I'll accept everything - that was actually what I thought would've ease this mind with the fears flinging around to the future. I admired my brother but I thought I didn't actually have to be like him. Somehow school grade wasn't that important - people can be successful even without achieving the best in school. Realizing that I have keen observation to my friends' future plan, I accumulated them all just in case I would have to take one as a back up plan. I was never too judgmental compared to my life now (except that I didn't say it out loud). My surrounding keeps on confusing me when there's a lot to...

My last teaching training has ended yesterday and I'm glad I've been through all those days I actually think was killing me. I don't know why but I missed my first class ( of my first teaching practical ) more. Too bad I didn't have any pictures with them. And now that I'll be back to SK Ranggu next July, it doesn't actually really bother me much to be sad. I will still be here for the next 7 to 8 more months and the chances to meet the school communities will always be there. Anyway, seizing the moments of the last 3 months, nothing costed me much..  Mentor, Edna and me Year 4 Iltizam together with their Science and English teacher I'm glad I've actually given the pupils something precious. It's not easy to bear people's mind when it comes to direct learning process. That's the longest period of my teaching training. The thoughts of providing knowledge to those kids wasn't really that easy. It has to come with great mind a...

and suddenly it falls unto me. I know this is all I get back in return of what I did and I was ready. I meant no harm, there's no intention at all. There's that one side of me saying how I deserve all the consequences. I'm ready... I'm ready... Now that I've learned my lesson, I didn't regret being frank nor true. The faults are still there but as long as the feeling stays, that's all I'm hoping for. Not one day goes by that I don't think about you. I started my days ended my nights, having you in my eyes dreaming about you. It all soothes my heart. Please stay there

I was watching Smash whilst marking my pupils' paper as it reminded me a lot about my previous term. I liked how I managed my time, my concern towards my pupils, my certainty of being able to get good marks on my papers etc etc. It was all a bliss to have listened all the songs that could remind you about your histories. There's nothing much to write about. My 6th term was a total change of life. I'm still in the aftershock of everything but currently happy with it. The dramas I found in the casts taught me a lot about my life. I should have made them simpler earlier. Now that I'm holding myself for a better future, I hope this will going to be the last for me. Let's just make this clear, although time has undergone so fast now, I thought I needed time to stay still - sitting around in the corner of my room trying to reflect back what have  I learned from all the shits I'm sucking in my life... but actually the better choice I have for myself is to just go...

It's my birthday; I'm turning into one fine man. I'm not expecting any celebration I didn't even tell my pupils to do one for me. They have costed one for my practicum member and I don't want to burden them to do the same for me. Thank you for all the birthday wishes though. Thanks for singing the song, thanks for the prayers and thanks for the gifts. In this verily turn over, I would like to say I'm happy for my life. My resolutions are yet to be created but I'm hoping to be better. There's another 4 days before I can step home and that excites me. I'm looking forward to meeting the love of my life and this message goes to you: You're one of a kind. Thanks for everything. My love has grown stronger for you not anyone else can change that. We've come to certain circumstances that would make us quarrel but it doesn't matter as long as the love is still there. I just don't want to lose you in my life so please stay. You are my othe...

Finally the era of being 22 is at its end. There's so much to talk about living my past years. I can actually still remember what did I do at this exact moment the last 2 years. Life has changed me a lot. I don't know what else to say but I'm growing and still am. 23 means a lot to me. It signs the end of my study and I'm finally having my Bachelor - still waiting for that but a few months won't cost me much. I'm a patient person when it comes to this. My family has been a fine anchor although the tides still exist. I haven't called home recently knowing that I'll be meeting them next week. The plans are not made but let just say I want to make it a surprise - I hope everyone is going to be there. It's been a few months since I last met my sister and I am dying to talk to her in person. I hope she'll buy me presents - LOL. They've mentioned the rough changes back there and I can only be imagining them here. My family and I are very close and...

This is tagged for every readers and I found it on my friend's wall. I don't mind answering these little questions. Some are better left unanswered though. So here it goes. Please? 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope 3. Have you taken someones virginity? I don't think so 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Yes 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes 6. What are you excited for? Holidays and getting the chance to meet those people I love most 7. What happened tonight? Dinner  8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Yes 9. Is confidence cute? No 10. What is the last beverage you had? Yeo's Yogurt 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? One 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Yes 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Sunset Mass 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Phone's credit 15. Are you going out with the last person you ...